Hazing
by SplashofColour
Summary: Makoto is tired of Haru leaving him behind. Seijuro comforts him, and a new beginning ensues. Language and some sexual instances.
1. In which a shower is taken

Makoto was waiting as usual for Haru to get out of the bath. They'd been at college in the city for two weeks, and Makoto had pretty much resigned himself to thinking of the swim team's pool time as his shower time. He slid down the wall with a huff holding his towel and sighed shaking his head. What was worse? Not taking a shower? Or thinking about his best friend taking a shower? He snorted a wry laugh to himself. Upon going to college, Makoto had resigned to telling Haru about his feelings, but the time never seemed to come. He always felt that he was one moment short of the perfect moment. Sweaty palms and words stuck in his throat seemed to plague him every evening during their tutoring sessions.

The bathroom door opened, and Haru stepped out with a small smile and sigh. Steam flowed out around him. Apparently, Makoto was fated to take a cold shower. As usual. He smiled up at Haru trying to not let his eyes linger on the scene in front of him.

"Isn't that swimsuit dirty yet?"

Haru shook his head. "It's a different one."

Makoto just gave him a knowing smile. "What am I going to do with you?" _What do I want to do to you?_

Haru shrugged and smiled. "I'll cook dinner."

"Thanks." Mackerel, again.

Haru walked down the hall leaving Makoto a mess. He stood up and walked in the bathroom shutting the door firmly behind him. The humid sticky air clung to his skin and made him wet before he even got into the shower. He slid off his shirt and jeans, then caught a glimpse in the mirror. _Is this what he wants?_ Gou always cooed over his muscles. Maybe Haru was into that sort of thing too?

Makoto shook his head to try and dislodge the thoughts in his mind.

"Big fish. Small pond," exclaimed the swim captain that evening after practice with a large laugh. "Tonight the new recruits are invited to our get together!" He winked at Seijuro who apparently was getting ready to give the recruits a little hazing.

Makoto didn't really care. His resolve to speak to Haru had broken again, and he was quietly having his own little pity party.

"What do you think it'll be," Rin whispered to Haru beside him. Rin was doing his best to keep his cool, but the excitement gleamed in his eyes, and those feral teeth were coming out.

Haru shrugged but never took his eyes off the captain. _Only studious when it comes to water_ , thought Makoto a little bitterly. Haru's attention solely consisted of anything that was wet besides Makoto.


	2. In which Makoto becomes drunk

At midnight, the team gathered at the front of the boys' dorm. Makoto and Haru were there early due to Haru's constant fidgeting and pacing in their apartment. He was wearing cargo shorts and a blue and white striped tank that belonged to Makoto. Makoto would normally look at that with a little buzz of possessiveness, but today seemed to be dragging on him more than usual.

Rin appeared at the front with the captain and Seijuro, scanned the crowd, and grinned ferociously when he spotted Makoto and Haru. Makoto vaguely wondered if Rin knew what was going to happen.

"Follow quietly," the captain shouted. "And don't get left behind."

The group was a little confused at the abrupt address including Makoto. Especially when Haru bolted off leaving him stranded. After his moment of confusion, he darted off after him and was caught in the second wave of students watching the blue and white tank flap in Haru's wake. Makoto was always behind him whether in sports or support. For some reason, the thought made him lonely as if he would always be chasing Haru's back no matter what happened without so much as a backward glance as a reward.

Makoto shook his head clearing the thoughts. He had to believe that he could catch Haru. He had to. He sped up passing the second wave and gradually gained on Haru until he was running beside him – step for step. He looked at Haru's determined smile and blue eyes to which Haru glanced at Makoto and returned his focus to the run. Maybe Makoto would not be chasing Haru forever.

The groups arrived at the pool which was unlocked with whispers and nervous excitement. The team streamed through the doors, and the window covers reserved for winter rolled down over the glass followed by the lights clicking on. The captain jumped onto a diving board and surveyed his crowd.

"As you can guess, a swim club needs a race." He placed a cheap plastic crown on his head. "And I, the king, will reward the winner with my throne for the evening. Release the keg!"

At the far end of the Olympic sized pool, an older member broke open a keg of beer into a kiddie pool.

"I suggest you hurry and drain the pool."

The team surged forward jostling Makoto and Haru. Makoto grabbed Haru's forearm spinning him into his arms until the surge stopped, and Makoto opened his eyes. Haru wasn't even looking at him even though they were so close. His gaze was following the frantic splashing towards the end of the pool. He looked back at Makoto, and Haru's grin vaguely reminded him of Rin, then before Makoto could react, Haru jerked away and raced to the pool.

 _I suppose I'm following again_.

He raced after Haru.

Makoto was sick. That poisonous stuff had made him hate his life. Rin had won the cheap plastic crown and was currently making demands of Haru. "Get me this or this" sort of stuff. Makoto nursed a bottle of beer out of the way watching the spectacle. Rin and Haru were laughing and hanging all over each other. Rin leaned in and said something in Haru's ear at which he smiled and looked up meeting Makoto's eyes. Makoto stared back. A moment of silence ensued in Makoto's mind.

 _Why are you on him? Why did he choose you? Can we go home, please?_

Makoto's questions were only in his mind. He turned back to his beer, finished it, and walked to the door. Outside Seijuro stood smoking with a group of boys and a few girls that had been invited after the initial opening experience. Makoto hurried away, but a hand clapped him on the shoulder.

"Hey, man! Where you going?" Seijuro's drunk grin initially pissed Makoto off for which he immediately felt bad.

"Home," he answered curtly. "I'm not doing so hot."

Seijuro's brow furrowed. "Is someone going with you?" He immediately seemed more sober.

"No."

"What about Haru?"

"I'm sure Rin will escort him home." Makoto couldn't keep the bitterness out of his voice.

Seijuro sighed. "I'll come with you."

Makoto had been afraid this would happen. "I'm not that drunk."

"C'mon. I'm not gonna feel right if I let you go alone."

 _Damn my guilty conscience._ "Fine."

Seijuro smiled and waved at his friends. "I'll see you tomorrow!"

One of the girls blushed, and the guys poked fun at him being a "lightweight". Seijuro looped his arm through Makoto's making Makoto start. "Let's keep you from wobbling."

Makoto nodded not looking at Seijuro. "Thanks."

"No problem, dude."


	3. In which comfort comes

Seijuro sat Mokoto down on the couch and walked into the kitchen leaving Makoto growing hazier and hazier by the moment. The room was spinning making him sick. He coughed, and a revolting burn spread up his throat. He choked it back in a panic. Seijuro appeared at the corner of his vision with a glass of water and a trash can. Makoto gingerly took the glass and sipped.

"So what's up?" Seijuro's eyebrow was raised.

"Nothing." Makoto's voice was laced with bitterness at himself and Haru.

"Oookay then." Seijuro shrugged. "When's your first class?"

"I can't believe Haru would just do whatever Rin says," Makoto blurted realizing that he really didn't want a subject change.

"It was just a game."

"It's not! It's always been this way. He always listens to Rin. The game just… was normal."

Seijuro's silence stretched on itching at Makoto who took another gulp of his water and rolled the glass between his hands.

"I mean – I've been here forever! I've been with Haru, since – since before anyone. I'm just a follower. A fall back." He felt his eyes become wet and stopped. _I shouldn't even be saying this. Seijuro isn't even – anything to me._

"Maybe you should tell that to Haru."

Makoto blinked sending the tears in his eyes down his cheeks and turned to look at Seijuro. It was as if his mind had been read, but it was also a bit of rejection. He had opened up, but he was getting shoved off on someone else. _Someone who doesn't want me._

"Hey! No! Don't!" Seijuro knew he had done something wrong at Makoto's sad smile. "Look. I don't know how I can help other than listening. Which I will do. But you should talk to Haru about it. It's like you said – Haru and you have been friends forever. Surely, he'll want to preserve your friendship."

Makoto laughed. "It's a bit more than that. Not now, I mean, but I want –" He stopped himself. He felt like telling someone – anyone – about how he felt about Haru would mean the end.

"It's alright to be in love with someone."

Makoto smiled. _I knew it was obvious, but I still can't say it._

"What you need to ask yourself is 'what will make me happy'. You can't waste your life pining after someone. It sucks being rejected, but there's also the chance you'll be happy. And, if rejected, you'll realize happiness is somewhere else."

Makoto smiled up at Seijuro. "You've been here."

He laughed loudly, and his rakish grin came out. "Gou rejected me."

"She never mentioned it," Makoto murmured after carefully cataloging all the conversations and past events he had experienced with Gou.

"Well, before I left for college – about two years ago now, I think, I asked her to go on a date – captain to manager." Seijuro winked. "I bought her ice cream at a café and brought up long distance relationships. She immediately shot me down."

Makoto had always wondered if Gou had had a love life. She was pretty and petite and had friends… There was no reason she couldn't. He had just never thought about it.

"The point is – I can't wait on Gou. I need to see the rest of my life. If we're meant to be, I hope our good times will stick in each other's mind, and I'm staying in touch."

Makoto's mind went back to Haru. The days they had sat out by the pool – him studying and Haru floating. He thought of the time Rin had left for Australia, and how Haru had shut down and ignored everyone. The only reason he was in Haru's life right now seemed to be, because he had continued following him developing a silent language between them.

"You can't just need Haru to make it work," Seijuro said gently with a faraway look in his eyes. "He's gotta need you, too."

The pair sat in silence on couch for a moment. "Let's watch a movie," Makoto offered.

"Oh sure." Seijuro's obvious surprise made Makoto second guess himself.

"If you wanna go back to the party, that's fine. I just – wonder if Haru is coming home, and I don't want to be alone tonight."

Seijuro looked down his nose at Makoto's shining eyes and thought about the times he had been here. First loves are always hard. "What movie?"


	4. In which breakfast is eaten

Makoto's eyes were heavy. The action thriller he had picked out – avoiding his much preferred rom com/reality-based genres – was loud and sending blue and white flashes in the darkness in a way that he found relaxing. It was easy to get lost in the protagonist's and antagonist's dance – attacks and blocks in a deadly rhythm. He found himself cuddling into the corner of the couch, and his eyes closing slowly. The last thing he remembered from the night was watching the flashes play across Seijuro's rapt face.

The next morning Makoto woke feeling groggy and slow and… warm? He desperately wanted to escape back to his dreams, so he attempted to roll over but seemed to be blocked. But Makoto was being stubborn not wanting to face his reality and pushed onward falling off the couch and hitting his head on the coffee table. Seijuro jumped waking immediately when Makoto's body pushed his legs off the couch. He looked down at the shocked and mildly pissy Makoto on the floor and laughed.

Makoto's rational mind told him that he had no right to be angry with Seijuro, but the pulse in his brain told him he should be angry at the world. Seijuro extended his hand, and Makoto glared at it, sighed, and took it. Seijuro pulled him up onto the couch.

"You feel okay?"

Makoto answered by falling backward on his corner with a moan.

Seijuro chuckled. "Was this your first time?"

Makoto nodded.

"Go back to sleep. Mind if I raid your kitchen?"

Makoto shooed him towards the kitchen. _I don't give a damn what you do right now._

Seijuro stood up and stretched giving Makoto a wonderful view which he relished with more than a little vengeance. The thought of Haru instantly made him wide awake although unpleasantly.

"Is he back yet?"

"Well, I haven't heard anyone come in." Seijuro's voice rang clear through the cabinet doors opening and closing softly. "But I was a little drunk. I may have just slept through it."

"Mmm." Makoto's mind wandered to Rin and saw the image of Rin laughing with his arm around Haru's shoulders, but Haru stared only at him. He sighed and put his head in his hands pushing his hair back. "I'm going to take a shower."

Makoto stood up without waiting for a reply or acknowledgement and walked into the shower, turned it on, and simply let the water wash away his bad feelings and memories – and hopefully his slight hangover which was his own fault for drowning his miseries in his first alcoholic experience. Needless to say, his clothes were soaked, and he peeled them from his skin while still standing under the water leaving them in a soaked heap in the floor. A knock sounded at the door.

"What?"

"It's going to get cold."

"Give me a minute."

Makoto began washing in earnest and stepped out of the shower. He looked around the bathroom realizing he didn't have any clean clothes, shrugged, and grabbed a towel wrapping it around his waist. The mirror was fogged from the hot shower, so he shrugged and headed toward the kitchen. _Like it matters what I look like._ He refused to even think about how he checked his appearance everyday for Haru.

Seijuro's surprise registered when Makoto came in the living room making Makoto a little fidgety.

"What?"

Seijuro's face turned a bright pink color. "Ah. I just thought you – you know – You're gay, so you'd be dressed."

The silence pressed onwards for what seemed to be multiples of minutes to Makoto. "Well, this looks delicious."

"Eggs and toast always help my hangovers."

Makoto sat beside Seijuro on the couch. The coffee table in front of them had two plates with delicious scrambled eggs and buttered wheat toast. Makoto was so happy to have anything besides mackerel. The two ate their meal in relative silence albeit awkwardly. Makoto had the inkling that Seijuro was still feeling awkward about the gay comment by his stiffness and avoidance of eye contact, and Makoto was feeling a lump in his throat form at the very thought of discussing… well, anything now. Soon the plates were empty, and Makoto reached for Seijuro's, and Seijuro reached for Makoto's at the identical time forcing them to cross arms and lean into each other. Makoto could feel the heat from Seijuro's breaths, and both immediately turned a dark shade of red but stayed.

"Um – " Makoto started. "I can wash up."

"Ah. I kinda promised myself I'd take care of you."

Makoto wasn't sure which part made him redder: his words or their position. He felt the butterflies move downward. Then the door knob started to rattle.

Hello! I know this is the first author's comment. I just started writing this a couple days ago, and it was supposed to be a completely different story, but it ran away with me. Um. Just wondering what you guys might think of it, and it's direction. I know the chapters are short, but I try to put my train of thought for the day in them. But... it may not work very well. Anyway, thanks for reading!


	5. In which Makoto does laundry

Rin's chatter pushed ahead of the pair making them aware of who exactly was finally home. Makoto temporarily forgot his embarrassment and a spark of anger and disgust borne from his feelings of inadequacy rose within him. Haru's eyes rose from the doorknob and rested on the pair narrowing slightly. Seijuro recovered quickly taking the plates and heading toward the kitchen. Makoto reacted a second later by putting the pillow he had been leaning on over his erection. _Down!_

"We just finished breakfast – eggs and toast. You guys want some?"

Haru's eyes never left Makoto as he shook his head.

"Yeah," Rin answered after he recovered from seeing Seijuro in Makoto's and Haru's apartment. His eyes flickered from Seijuro's retreating back to Makoto to Haru's stiff back. "Do either of you have class today?"

Makoto shook his head and smiled his cover-up smile. "No, we're both free."

Haru turned silently and headed toward the kitchen as if dismissing Makoto entirely.

"What did you guys do last night," Makoto blurted hating himself for his jealousy. Of course, they could have fucked all night long, and it was none of his damn business. It wasn't like he had any control over Haru.

Rin shrugged. "I don't really know. I blacked out. Haru says he volunteered to walk me home. Honestly, I don't know how I survived let alone came out without a hangover."

 _Well that's a straight answer._ Makoto simply smiled at him and nodded. "Seijuro was my escort. We watched a movie last night. I just got out of the shower," he offered feeling the need to explain his state of undress.

Rin nodded and slouched in the way that Rin does when he's brooding over something. The room was saved from the pause by Seijuro entering holding eggs and toast for Rin.

"Here you go. How did you guys enjoy your first college party?" Makoto sensed that the easy communicating they had earlier was gone. Seijuro sounded like a team captain right now, a peer.

"It was fun," Rin offered. "Is this a usual occurrence?"

Seijuro laughed. "I'm afraid not. And don't make it. We need healthy swimmers that are not consistently drunk. Your time will lag. It's once a year for the new recruits."

Makoto stood up securely holding his towel. Seijuro was embarrassed seeing him like this. He couldn't imagine what would happen if he dropped his towel. He turned the hall corner and sniffed the air. The familiar scent of mackerel had already began to fill the house. Makoto sighed. He knew Haru was pissed at him, and the easy companionship that he and Seijuro had found seemed to have been broken. Once more, Makoto felt alone in his own home: his wall he had erected between him and Haru and the new wall of Seijuro's captainship.

He flopped down on his bed, second door to the right, and stared at the ceiling. _What is wrong with me? Seijuro is right. I need to say something. I don't want to hang on to something that doesn't love me. Does Haru prefer Rin?_ Makoto rolled over and examined the picked bedspread methodically removing lint.

 _I have to. I have to._

The mantra kept repeating itself in his head until the cold glare of Haru entered his mind freezing him to a stop. He shivered. Makoto stood up and grabbed cargo shorts from a freshly laundered pile. He could clean all day, but he hated putting clothes up. He wore the same outfits weekly, besides if he left his clothes in clean piles, Haru ended up wearing them somehow, and Makoto would always get that rush of pride. He pulled his shirt over his head and looked in his desk mirror. He hated how his eyes sagged a little, and his bangs wisped into them. The light blonde hairs on his arms glistened as he flexed. Everything rippled. He wondered if Rin's small shoulders would support Haru when –

 _Ooookay! That's enough!_

He breathed all his feelings out and smiled at his reflection. Somehow it seemed empty. There was a knock at the door. Seijuro was leaning against his door frame with a wry grin on his face. He winked.

"You're much prettier when you put some feeling into it."

Makoto turned a bright red making Seijuro laugh even harder.

"I'm sorry. I couldn't help it. You were so intent on checking yourself out." Seijuro walked in and offered a hug to Makoto. "I got to split, and I'm taking Rin with me."

Makoto let it happen but touched Seijuro gingerly unsure of how he felt about this. "See ya at practice."

Seijuro nodded and tossed Makoto his phone. "You forgot this."

Makoto caught it with ease. "Thanks."

He watched Seijuro leave and listened for the click of the front door. He was alone with Haru. A piece of him wished Seijuro just stayed here forever. Makoto grabbed up his laundry basket, picked up the soaking clothes in the bathroom, and headed to the laundry nook on the left of the hallway. He could feel Haru's eyes watching him from the couch.

He separated his whites and loaded the laundry.

"Makoto."

He stiffened and turned. Haru wordlessly held out his dirty clothes or, more accurately, Makoto's freshly beer-stained shirt. Haru's eyes were wordlessly issuing a challenge. Makoto knew if he took them the circle would continue: him caring for Haru and Haru expecting him to be there without anything in return. Makoto almost in a daze reached out toward the clothes.

Seijuro's face flashed into his vision, and he reheard Seijuro's confession about Gou.

"Sorry. It's full." He turned back to the laundry his face on fire. The silence stretched. Makoto studied the dials on the washer. Haru studied Makoto. Eventually, Haru simply turned and left. Makoto felt his body relax. He didn't know if he felt free or not, but he certainly felt more hopeful.

Hey, guys. I'm completely at a loss for what to have them do for the rest of the day. My next planned scene that I've been mulling over is at night. Any suggestions?


	6. In which Seijuro questions himself

Seijuro didn't know what was wrong with him. He'd went from Makoto's and Haru's apartment to his dorm room. On the walk back, he kept thinking of Makoto sleeping in the crook of the couch. When Makoto had fallen asleep, Seijuro had pulled the blanket down from the back of the couch to cover them and leaned back looking from the movie to Makoto's sleeping face and thought of Gou. He had seemed nonchalant about his hopes for a future with her, but he honestly felt like there wasn't one. Gou and he had never been as tightly tethered as Makoto and Haru. She almost seemed to have signed a new lease on single-life after her brother's fiasco. In reality, Seijuro knew after that date that he and Gou would never be. It was still hard to move on. He sighed and placed his head in his hands wiping his hair back while simultaneously wiping his negative thoughts away.

 _You're a hypocrite, Sei._

His advice to Makoto was some that Seijuro had been trying to take for himself for a while. He pulled out his phone and opened his new message. He had texted himself from Makoto's phone when he had picked it up earlier that day. A wry grin split his face.

 _First time I've done that to a man._

Seijuro was collectively known on the swim team for fabulous crazy romance that crashed and burned brilliantly. College hadn't made it worse. A large portion of it was simply the wreckage from Gou's rejection. He could rationalize it all he wanted, but his heart wasn't so easily fallen which is why when things got a little serious he became a pyromaniac orchestrating the best break ups.

He named Makoto's number and smiled for no reason that he could imagine.

A booming laugh split the air. Seijuro knew that laugh. He'd lived with it for a year. The captain walked into their dorm suite's common room from the hall.

"Hey, Sei! Where did you crash last night? There were a few of your girls there."

"Nah. No women for me last night."

The captain – Kineko – visibly relaxed. Hinata, a one-time liaison of Seijuro's, had come to the party last night. Kineko had been fond of her ever since Seijuro had introduced them.

"Me neither." _Not a surprise._ Kineko had a reputation for being old fashioned and was one of Seijuro's known critics. He wasn't mean. He just had one of those stares that bled disapproval.

"One of the freshmen from my hometown needed a walk home. He was pretty drunk and not having such a great time."

"Who was it?"

"Makoto Tachibana."

KIneko's bushy eyebrows knitted together. "Didn't he and Haru refuse dorms?"

"They live together." Seijuro didn't think Makoto would like the other side of their relationship advertised.

"Mmmm."

Kineko began to rustle around in the kitchen for breakfast. "Seniors only party tonight. Want to be my plus one? We can bring some water in vodka bottles like last time."

"Did you ask Hinata if she wanted to go?"

"She said she has to study." Kineko's face fell. Seijuro knew that he was trying to convince himself that Hinata actually had to study, but classes only just started, and they both knew she was just putting him off. Kineko was not a classic beauty with the lithe swimmers body. He was shorter than Seijuro with a full head of jet black hair that curled around his ears. Kineko was also thick where most swimmers were lean. He was fast but not the fastest. His ability lay in decision-making, on-the-job experience, and the most positive attitude Seijuro had ever seen. Hinata wanted someone flashy which was a shame. Kineko was down-to-earth and ready to make anything happen for those he cared about, but he was not an arm piece.

"Too bad."

"So?"

Seijuro looked over at his phone and saw his text message light was blinking.

"No. I think I'll stay in."

Kineko followed his gaze and broke into a grin. "Where did you pick this one up?"

Seijuro tried to stop the color spreading through his cheeks.

"It's not like that!"

… _is it?_

 _T_ hank you for the reviews! I know it's been awhile, and the chapter is short. I just wanted to give a little Sei love. I read all the reviews and thought about what to write and how to continue. I believe the best course of action that I can take is to skip around time wise. There are just scenes that happen in a day that will not matter to this story time-wise. There will be a drama starter in the next chapter. ;)

As always, thanks for the feedback! I'm glad this story is liked!


	7. In which an outing is planned

Makoto set his books down on his desk. He had spent all day looking over every syllabus, then identifying ISBN numbers, then Amazon/bookstore/classmate price comparisons. He was over it. His scholarship had only allotted $500 for books, and he had come in $300 under that number which warranted a celebration. He had his books _and_ money in his pocket. He grinned at his success and set his hands on his hips.

 _I can accomplish things!_

His confidence with life had boosted considerably. He had been "not exactly free" beforehand, but with things turning in his favor, he was growing more confident at having a shot at being his own person and not just Haru's friend. He felt a gaze on him and turned to the door. Haru looked at him a bit angrily and somewhat skittish making Makoto's wave of self-support crash and burn.

"What's up?"

"You went book shopping." Haru's voice was steady, but his eyebrows drew down his forehead into terse lines.

"Yeah. Just basics: Bio 101, Chem 101, Sociology, and Japanese History. The PE courses don't have a required text. We're supposed to be able to find everything we need in the library. I asked." He and Haru were taking the same PE courses as was Rin and the other freshmen.

"What about First Look?" It was another only freshmen class. It seemed to be a joke to about everyone he talked to – a sort of introduction to college life.

"No book." Makoto put his receipts in the filing cabinet.

"Mmmm."

The silence stretched as Makoto rummaged trying to look and feel busy. He knew Haru was off balance by all this. When they had talked about books, Haru had simply handed Makoto his class list and affirmed the classes he would enjoy and the ones he would hate. Makoto knew this cue. It was Haru's way of not dealing with reality or, more accurately, making Makoto deal with it for him.

 _I'm not his mom. Or his boyfriend. Or his lover. I'm just his friend. Friends don't…"_

Honestly, he didn't really know what friends generally did. It had always been him and Haru. Makoto had only been the one that craved attention so much that he tended to give with no cut-off. He was pretty sure friends took care of each other, and he would take care of Haru.

 _I just want to be asked. Appreciated. Not expected._

Makoto's phone buzzed in his back pocket. He took it out and inspected it.

 **Sei**

 **What cha doing tonight?**

Makoto hadn't thought he had had Seijuro's number, and he certainly wouldn't have listed it as 'Sei'. But it seems he had sent Seijuro a test reading **Makoto Tachibana** that morning. He recalled Seijuro tossing him his phone with a bit of realization and a momentary sense of breathlessness.

"Dinner?"

Makoto met Haru's gaze squarely. Haru fidgeted and looked away. Makoto was a little crestfallen at this response but had no qualms about his decision.

"I think I have plans."

Haru looked at the phone, nodded, and walked away leaving Makoto to take a deep breath, reassert himself, and put his fingers on his keys.

 **Nothing really.**

 **Me neither. Captain is going out.**

Makoto's hands hovered. _Should I ask?_

 **I need groceries. Need anything?** The reply startled Makoto as he was expecting something different. He thought back to Haru. Makoto was pretty certain that he was very adept at reading vibes.

 **Yeah.** He hoped Seijuro wouldn't ask him exactly what he needed.

 **Great. Do you want to come? I can swing by.**

 **Yeah. That'll be great.** Makoto wondered if the smiley face was too much.

 **Awesome! ;)**

 _Definitely wasn't too much._

A smile split Makoto's face. He didn't know where this might go, but he liked it so far.

Seijuro pulled up on his bike. He'd thought about the car, but he didn't need many groceries. It seemed a little bit of overkill for the task, and he preferred to save his gas for special outings like dinners and movies. His part-time job didn't pay much, since he only worked on weekends to be available for swim team practices. This made gas a special commodity.

There was also another problem- or perhaps a concern – with all of this. Seijuro was known for wooing women. He had never wooed a man before. This was not intentional. He had simply never been attracted to one, but it was as Kineko had said. Seijuro couldn't stop himself. None of this was intentional. It was like his feet knew the way to Makoto's apartment that night, his brain had somehow provided subconscious comfort, and his fingers put in that number all on their own. And that is why Seijuro was riding his bike to Makoto's apartment. He had no idea what was going on, and that small insecure voice in the corner of his mind was urging him to do all his normal fuck-ups that ran women away like picking them up on their first date on a bicycle. Maybe Makoto would be insulted. Maybe he would hate it and run away disgusted leaving Seijuro back in his comfort zone: ladies, peacocking, and beer.

 _Maybe he'll stay. Maybe he'll think it's romantic._

He shook his head and rang the doorbell. Almost immediately the door opened. Seijuro blinded Haru with a smile.

 _What the hell? Was he waiting by the door?!_

Seijuro proceeded to attempt to not freak out. This relationship would definitely be strange. Haru's slightly disgusted face peered back at him without a hint of anything like a smile.

"Is Makoto in there?"

Haru nodded but didn't budge.

"Can you get him?"

Haru nodded and shut the door. Seijuro was more than a little stunned. He wasn't sure if he had a rival or not, but he could definitely say this was the strangest welcome he had ever received. The door rattled, and Makoto stepped out. He was wearing a prim sleeveless green tank top and plain canvas shorts. Seijuro tried not to feel a bit unsure about himself. He'd put on a short-sleeved button-up before leaving and now felt overdressed.

"Sorry about that," Makoto puffed red-faced. "Haru's been acting weird."  
"No problem."

"So what are we shopping for?"

"Just some burger fixings. Kineko wants to grill this evening."

"Ah." He noticed Makoto looking around.

"I rode my bike."

Makoto looked a little confused then smiled, but Seijuro felt it wasn't all there.

"I don't have a bike."

 _Fix!_ "Ah! Um, don't worry! I thought we could walk together. It's just gas is difficult to come by, and I just thought, since it wasn't far, and I don't need much – " He took a breath and stilled himself. "Would you mind walking? I can get the car."

Makoto laughed, a genuine belly laugh. "I can walk. Besides we get to hang out more that way."

Seijuro sighed. _Crisis averted._ The little pessimistic voice in his head was very upset though.


	8. In which a dolphin is captured

The pair talked about grades, classes, swimming, and their shared role of captainship on the way to the store. Makoto must say that he had expected a grand gesture, but then again Seijuro may not have meant this as a date. A little voice in the back of his mind reminded him that Seijuro had talked about getting turned down by Gou who was a girl.

 _Maybe he isn't interested in men._

This was a real possibility. Seijuro may just be a nice guy that knew his friend – just friend – may want to escape the oppressive tension in his home for the evening. Behind Makoto's easy chatter and smile he was rather depressed at this thought. Although, he felt that he should be grateful that he had such a good friend, and maybe he didn't need a rebound so quickly.

When they reached the store, Seijuro turned to him and said, "Do you need anything for your apartment?"

Makoto shrugged. "Any food other than mackerel would be nice."

Seijuro laughed, and Makoto loved it realizing how little he heard laughter when he was with Haru. It was kind of refreshing.

"I think I can do that."

"Ah! No. No. I can pay for it myself!"

Seijuro smiled and stretched up to reach the top shelf giving Makoto an enviable view. "Don't be silly. _I_ asked _you_ to come. The least I can do is send you home with a housewarming gift."

Makoto didn't know how to feel about that, so he looked aimlessly toward a shelf partially hiding his red cheeks. "You really don't have to do that."

"Nonsense." Seijuro winked. "I like spoiling people."

Makoto felt his butterflies come back while also screaming at his consciousness that Seijuro said "people" not "you" specifically. But it was no use. His face stayed red, and he began to fidget with the basket he was carrying. Seijuro continued to shop as if he had no idea what his words had inspired with a hopelessly confused Makoto trailing behind him. Sooner than expected, the pair was standing in the checkout line. Makoto was halfway lost in his thoughts staring at the candies and treats hanging by the checkout. Seijuro was chattering away at him with a goofy smile which Makoto was beginning to find more and more adorable.

"Do you want something?" Seijuro gestured to the treats.

"Ah. No."

"What's your favorite?"

Makoto pointed to the dried banana chips. "Yours?"

"I'm more of a beef jerky guy."

Makoto laughed. "Neither of us chose a real candy."

Seijuro shrugged. "I watch my diet and managed my team's when I was captain. Since then, I gravitate to healthier foods."

"Nagisa always ate all the sweets, so I learned to like the things he wouldn't eat."

Seijuro laughed at Makoto's eye roll and reached for some candy and banana chips. "Well, Nagisa isn't here, so you get to make the choice today."

"Seijuro, you really don't have to buy me anything." Makoto knew he was mumbling and a mess, but he was also charmed and beyond happy.

"You're a great person, Makoto. I want to get you a housewarming gift even if it is just a small treat."

"You don't have to buy two of them." Makoto was about to die he felt so awkward.

Seijuro locked eyes with him and said seriously, "You can make your own decisions based on your own likes and dislikes. Don't put yourself after someone else. I will never make you choose between my left overs. If you want candy, eat the candy. If you want the banana chips, eat them. Just be happy doing it, and I'll be happy to give them to you."

The cashier began ringing up the items, and Seijuro turned to begin paying for everything. Makoto couldn't move or speak. He felt like electricity had zapped him and left him filled with a warm haze. He knew his face was giving him away, and it continued to give him away all the way back to the apartment. Seijuro still chattered, but it seemed a little more timid than before. And Makoto still replied, but his heart kept thumping faster and faster as they neared his apartment.

"Well," Seijuro said as he dug out the candy and the banana chips, "Here you go. "

He sat the bags in Makoto's open hands letting his own hands linger as he and Makoto locked eyes. Makoto may have blushed first, but Seijuro was a close second. They stood there for a moment searching each other's faces. Makoto swallowed and licked his lips which Seijuro's eyes followed like a hawk.

"Would you like to eat the…" Makoto stopped and suddenly felt like crying. He had always wanted this. He wanted to be a real person. Not a follower. To not have to choose between what had been already picked clean. He remembered when he and Haru were kids, and the swim club had sold little key chains. He had wanted the little dolphin. At his home, his parents had spoiled him with dolphin figurines and toys. He loved their laughter and the playful nature they showed on the tv documentaries that he watched with the rapt attention most children reserved for Power Rangers.

But then when he reached for the dolphin key chain, Haru's hand also reached for it, and Makoto had given it to him and taken the orca. He had cried that night, and his parents had found him impossible to console and had sent him to bed that night without supper. He didn't blame them now. His little sister had also been crying and demanding attention that night. His poor parents had worked all day and come home to chaos, but his child self didn't understand those things.

"Be a big boy," his father had said. And he had. He'd went to swim club and told Haru that he really liked the dolphin charm and not the orca. His best friend had replied that a dolphin was his favorite animal, so Makoto had sulked all day until he told Haru in a small sad voice that he was right and little Makoto's real favorite animal was the orca.

Makoto had spent the next two days boxing up all his figurines and toys. His parents had tried to console him, but he stubbornly said that he didn't like dolphins anymore. Orcas were bigger and smarter anyway.

And he had been defaulting those choices the rest of his life. He ate mackerel with Haru but didn't like it. He liked banana chips, because Nagisa liked sweets.

"Would you like to eat the banana chips? I want the candy."

Seijuro beamed. "I'd love some banana chips."

The pair sat on the stoop and opened their treats. Makoto was not used to everything that had happened this evening. There were way too many feelings that had pressed in on him. It was definitely not an average day. He looked at the bright red head that was sitting beside him. It confounded him that Seijuro could shine so brightly. It was like every part of Seijuro's being glowed. Makoto didn't know if it was confidence or what, but he knew he wanted it. He wanted to become more like Seijuro.

"Seijuro?"  
"Hmmm?"

"I like hanging out like this. It's…nice."

Seijuro didn't smile. "I like it, too." Chills ran up Makoto's spine. Seijuro wasn't laughing or grinning the way Makoto had come to expect. He was simply staring with dead seriousness into Makoto's eyes. Makoto couldn't breathe again. And his chills were heading somewhere definitely not platonic, and he wondered if Seijuro felt it, too.

 _I want him to feel it._ The realization hit Makoto with a feeling that he could only describe as "right-ness."

His eyes flickered to Seijuro's lips and back to his eyes. Perhaps Seijuro was the dolphin charm that Makoto wanted this time, and he decided that he wasn't letting this one be taken from him. His face inched closer to Seijuro's, and he noticed Seijuro's gaze move down to Makoto's own lips. Their noses touched, and hot breath passed between them. Makoto could smell the bananas mixing with the sugar of his candy, and then he tasted it brushing his lips on Seijuro's and gently sucked exploring where he was going what was happening.

"Hey."

Makoto jerked away, and his butterflies quickly turned to knots. Seijuro was still dazed and startled. But that voice made all of Makoto's good feelings turn into uneasiness. He looked at the bottom of the stairs and saw Haru's angry deadpan face.

"I need to get in."

"Sorry, man." Seijuro scooted closer to Makoto pinning him between the railing and Seijuro's warm body.

Both boys noticed the dirty look thrown their way.


	9. In which a love is admitted

Makoto was beating himself up as he lay in bed. He had pushed Seijuro away after kissing him. It was awkward. Makoto had the only love he had ever known happen upon someone that was slowly worming his way into every thought he had of every day. He thought about Seijuro when he looked at his phone, when he looked at his couch, when he entered the kitchen, and – most importantly – whenever he found Haru doing the things that Makoto had found that little by little he begrudged. And now whenever he caught a glimpse of his lips, he thought of Seijuro and how sweet and hot he tasted. The thought of that kiss made him unconsciously lick his lips sending a pulse in his groin. He hugged his pillow tighter.

 _God! This is not the point!_

Haru had seen them! Makoto had spent all his life up until the past two days trying to please Haru. Trying to make Haru see him. He felt as if he had just recently taken off a giant sign saying 'Love me!' and traded it for a white t-shirt – one that he could put whatever the hell he felt like on it. That's why he was here though, hugging his pillow and throbbing with wanting. He would think of the kiss, become aroused, think of Haru, and try to care about what Haru thought. But Makoto was finding himself caring less and less and caring more and more about Seijuro's lips on his, and it was this very thought that was scaring the hell out of him.

He chose this. He kissed Seijuro. Makoto had his whole life planned out according to others, and now in a world that he was free to create himself, he had no idea where to start or what he wanted to achieve. He didn't know what to do or where to begin. He took a deep breath in the dark of his room and rolled over to face the wall.

 _I…want…to choose_ my _life._

His breathed out keeping his eyes closed. His cheeks began to warm. Seijuro? Haru?

 _I want –_

His eyes snapped open as soon as he heard his door creek. He went rigid as he felt Haru slide into bed beside him. This was not an unusual occurrence. Ever since they had been young, sleepovers at Makoto's house had the implication of sharing a bed. His family was large, and their house was crowded. Haru had been his guest, so Haru had to share his bed – an implication that Makoto had grown more and more uncomfortable with as they had grown older. He had begun turning toward the wall to sleep then to hide unnecessary views of his sometimes impossible to hide erection. He hadn't had this problem at Haru's house which had a guest bedroom, so he was more inclined to accept an overnight invitation from Haru than the other way around.

Haru rarely asked Makoto to stay over though. Most of Haru's invitations were simply made late at night after they had been up, and it was simply too troublesome to walk back home. Therefore, in Makoto's mind, the majority of their 'arranged' sleepovers had happened at Makoto's request – a thought that generally made him feel guilty.

And, yes, there were times that Haru had crawled into bed with Makoto, but they had stopped when Haru had met Rin at swim camp. The little boys had been wanting to grow up so fast, and Rin had taken more of a toll on Haru than anyone else, so Haru's maturity had seemed to be expedited into this solemn man contained in a little boy's body that overshadowed everyone else. This suddenly adult Haru had not needed Makoto or anyone else for comfort.

This is when Makoto started crawling into Haru's bed. He remembered it clearly. There had been a storm at sea, and Makoto had gotten up to go to the bathroom. The dark hallway would light up with the lightning flash, and he would hear a whimper from Haru's room. He had pushed the door open with a creak. Lightning struck then illuminating Haru with a death grip on his pillow and tears streaking his face. Makoto hadn't wanted anything more than to make his friend feel safe. He had crawled into the bed and wrapped his arms around Haru's stiff clenched body. He had murmured things into Haru's ear – inconsequential things that he had seen his mother mutter to his siblings. Haru had never let go of the pillow and never relaxed until sleep had taken him. Makoto had quickly followed. His little hands had easily lost their grip around Haru as soon as his fear had subsided. In the morning nor any morning after that, Haru had never mentioned it. It had continued this way for most of their life. Makoto had checked on Haru during storms and offered to share the bed by silent volition.

But this was different. For the first time in ten years, Haru had crawled into his bed and was winding his hands around Makoto's chest pressing his cheek into the hollow between his shoulder blades. Makoto felt Haru's hot breath rush down his spine, and he was trapped. He couldn't move. He felt like he was sleeping with a snake.

"Haru." Makoto's voice cracked a little, and he swallowed suddenly wanting a glass of water for his parched throat.

"Mmmm?"

Makoto felt his words fail him. He had wanted something like this for so long. He wanted Haru to need him. He wanted Haru to come to him. He would be lying if he said this didn't seem like the beginning of one of the frequent scenes he would dream then wake up in a slick sweat. They usually didn't stay cuddly. Makoto didn't know if he wanted this dream to continue though.

"I thought you were mad at me."

It was Haru's turn to go rigid for a moment. "I am."

"Then – why?"

"Are you going to leave me?"

Makoto's breath left him as he felt Haru's hips curl around him. Makoto felt Haru press himself against Makoto's ass, and Makoto sat up in bed turning his back to the wall pulling the sheet over his own erection.

"What the hell is going on, Haru?"

Haru had pain and hurt in his eyes that made Makoto's heart break a little. He loved this boy, but Makoto feared him more than anyone else. He feared being trapped in a world where he had to constantly prove that he deserved love.

"I don't want you to leave."

"What will you do about it?"

Haru frowned as if he was disappointed with the question. "I'll miss you."

Makoto felt a short curt laugh pass his lips. "You'll miss me?"

"Yes." Haru frowned up at him his blue eyes narrowing. "Is there more? I know what you want. I'll give it to you." Haru looked pointedly down at Makoto's crotch.

"Is that _it_?!"

"Yes."

Makoto wiped a tear from his eye. His emotions were sad and angry all at the same time. "I don't want sex."

Haru raised his eyebrow.

"Well, I do," mumbled Makoto. "But I also want -" Makoto looked at Haru memorizing the dusky blue of his eyes in the dim glow from the window and the slight frown on his face. Haru wore that frown often after Rin had left. It was a frown that tried to appear apathetic but hid all the cracks he had inside of his soul. Makoto had yearned for so long to feel those cracks and make his friend appear whole, but it wasn't him who filled Haru's heart, and Makoto had always known that. After their last high school swimming competition, Haru had become whole again. Rin had made him that way. Haru had helped Rin find his inner peace, and Rin returned the favor. Haru found a passion. When Makoto had urged Haru to find a direction, it had backfired and created a rift between them which Rin also healed. Rin had taken all the spots that Makoto had wanted for as long as he could remember, but he had thought that would change when Haru had said he wanted to stay with Makoto for college. It had only created more cracks. Makoto had broken, and Haru hadn't wanted to rescue him.

The first day they had went looking for an apartment Makoto had been beaming with excitement and had high hopes. When looking at the listings, he had exclaimed about extra bedrooms, which ones contained appliances, and what sorts of decorations he could devise. Haru was quiet and bored. When asked which listings he liked best, he had asked two questions: "How far is the pool?" "Where is Rin staying?"

Makoto had expected the first and laughed a bit thinking Haru was adorable. The second question had made him feel empty. He kept telling himself that it had been nothing, but as the process continued, Haru became less and less interested in the apartment seeming to hunker down at home and let Makoto make arrangements. Haru showed up when Makoto requested, but he only did what was asked.

They had been cleaning one day when Makoto first realized that Haru didn't really want to be there. Makoto had asked Haru to clean the kitchen stating that he would clean the bathroom knowing that while Haru loved water that did not extend to toilet bowls. Makoto had finished and went back towards the kitchen finding Haru casually leaned against the wall looking at his phone. Haru gave his usual curt answers until Makoto had asked who was on the phone.

It was Rin. Makoto knew Haru wanted to go. He knew it so deep in his bones that all his anger and hurt rose to the surface as he gritted out an offer for Haru to help Rin move into his dorm instead of help with their joint apartment. He had hoped to God that Haru would stay. He had prayed that Haru would choose him and their budding life even if it wasn't a full-fledged relationship yet.

But Makoto was disappointed. Haru left, and Makoto sat down beside the spot where Haru had been sitting and leaned his head back against the off-white wall of _their_ cheap dingy apartment that he had had high hopes for. He closed his eyes and cried trying to hold on to the pictures of them moving in and falling in love. Of cooking dinner together – even if it was just mackerel. Of managing finances and buying groceries.

"I just – _wanted_ to be the only one," Makoto whispered.

Haru's face remained unchanged as Makoto looked for a sign – anything that could say that Haru loved him the way that Makoto wanted to be loved. Haru closed his eyes and looked away from Makoto's gaze as if he were uncomfortable with the truth whatever that may be.

"You can say whatever you want. Tell me anything. I don't care what it is." Makoto's words were quiet but seemed to fill the whole room. He knew he was challenging Haru, and he knew Haru hated to be challenged. But Makoto could be selfish. His thoughts flashed back to Seijuro, and he felt warmth begin to invade the cold hollow feeling that he had had, since Haru had crawled into his bed.

"I don't want you to go." Makoto saw a tear run down Haru's cheek. "I'll do whatever you want. I'll cook for you. I'll do the fucking laundry. I'll even fucking fuck you!"

Makoto watched as Haru clenched his jaw and gritted out the words, and his heart broke for his friend.

"Would you marry me?" Makoto knew the answer as soon as he said it, and he felt a small sorrowful smile spread across his face. He knew it more as the silence stretched longer and longer.

"Do you love me," he whispered his voice dropping lower knowing his friend also didn't want to admit some things to him, so in light of the time they had spent together, Makoto gave Haru a question that he knew was easier for him to answer.

"Yes." He looked back up at Makoto's comforting smile and warm eyes.

"More than Rin?"

Haru looked away again, and his whole body went stiff. Makoto had known. A part of him had always known. He just wanted to keep Haru to himself as Haru had wanted to keep Makoto. They were both selfish beings, and they found their comfort in each other. Makoto scooted down and took Haru into his arms letting the smaller boy relax, cry, and find his comfort in his best friend once again.

Hello!

I rewrote this scene three times, and honestly, I have been planning it since chapter 3. I hope you like it, and I hope it's believable. That's what I'm trying to get out of this fic. I want a believable romance and a chance to show the characters for how I feel they truly are. Also, I want all my readers to get something out of it. Azu and MakotoFan, thank you for the reviews! And thank you for all the reads and follows! This will probably wrap up in a few more chapters!

Please review!


	10. In which Seijuro takes a swim

Seijuro was engrossed in swimming: left arm out, breathe, right arm out, breathe, and repeat until his hand hit the concrete of the opposite pool side. This was what he did when he was confused or frustrated, and those instances were rare. But tonight was different. He had brooded with a half-smile on his face all the way through his and Kineko's dinner, and now it was midnight, and he was going to swim out all of his emotions. Makoto may have kissed him. Makoto may have had intentions. But all that had dissolved when Haru had appeared. Makoto had become awkward and effectively ushered Seijuro away. The sight of Makoto's face pale with embarrassment and not meeting his gaze had stuck with Seijuro all evening.

Seijuro was a rash person, and he knew it. He made decisions within a few days that others brooded over for months. But – the way he figured it – he knew what he wanted and went for it, and if someone wanted him, they should also just go for it. Things change, and moments are fickle creatures. Seijuro wanted hot, passionate love that hit like a tidal wave, and Makoto – Seijuro had realized this when he had been ushered away – was too fickle to make that choice.

Once again, Seijuro dived hoping the water would simply wash away his feelings like it always did. Sometimes it took more than one sleepless night – like with Gou, but it would work. Then he could look on with apathy – view Makoto and Haru as before, two guys that existed with their various attributes minus the love and lust.

He hit the opposite wall again and panted pulling himself up to sit on the side and wipe his face with the towel he had set out.

"Hey."

Seijuro knew the voice, and the timing was completely wrong. He hadn't worked it off yet. He hadn't forgotten, and he wasn't sure he could smile yet, but he looked. Makoto stood there, stiff and pale and eyes downcast.

 _Look at me._ Seijuro wanted to be certain. He wanted Makoto to look deep into his eyes and be able to know that they were both lost to each other. It would speed this entire process up, so he could jaunt off to a bar and start getting more numbers. But Makoto wouldn't look at him.

"The pool is closed at night. Only I and Kineko have a key."

"I – I thought you might be here. I was walking towards the dorms, and I heard splashing and saw the lights."

Seijuro's eyes narrowed. "Why were you going to the dorms?" _Look at me._

And Makoto obliged. He looked straight into Seijuro's eyes with his own eyes with a wet sheen on them.

"I wanted to say that I was sorry."

"You kissed me, you know?"

Makoto seemed to hunker his shoulders as if he were trying to make him as inconspicuous as possible. "I know," he whispered.

"I kissed you back."

"I know."

The silence stretched. Makoto's face slowly progressed to a light dusting of red, and he straightened up.

"I've just been thinking – because of you, you know – that it's about time to make some choices for myself. I mean, I've been deciding pretty much everything based on… well, everyone else, and I want you."

Makoto's voice got small at the end, but he continued to hold Seijuro's gaze. Seijuro let a cynical laugh escape him.

"You know what I've been doing just now? Trying to forget you. Back there – when _you_ kissed _me_ – I wanted you, too. I was ready to jump into it all. A leap of faith, if you will. But when you told me, basically, to leave, I realized you're always going to return to Haru until he fucking kicks you out himself. I won't – Do you hear me? – _won't_ be your convenient second." Seijuro stood up still staring at Makoto.

"And neither will I be yours." Makoto's voice had changed. He sounded angry and forceful.

Seijuro crossed his arms. "Who says you're anything to me anymore?"

Makoto's face turned an alarming shade of red, and he strode toward Seijuro making him take a step back to avoid being bumped in the face. "Am I not," Makoto breathed forcing Seijuro to feel every syllable on his skin.

Seijuro's hardened eyes had lost their sheen as Makoto searched his face. He always jumped without thinking into things reasoning that to fully be loved he needed to love with his whole being. It hadn't worked so far, and he had already seen evidence that it might fail miserably again, but would it? Did he dare to risk his heart? The past couple days were barely anything in a life span, but perhaps his heart would be right this time?

"Makoto, how can I trust you?"

Makoto put his hands on Seijuro's arms as if holding him to ensure that he wouldn't run. "I can live without you."

Seijuro began to struggle out of the hold.

"But I don't want to. We've got something I've never known here, and I'm terrified of it. But if you want to test the waters, I want to be there with you."

Seijuro searched the face that he had never expected to evoke these feelings in him, and when he had memorized every facet of Makoto in the harsh pool lighting and felt Makoto never waver or fidget, he relented and grinned the normal rakish smile that made Makoto hungry for his lips.

"I think the water is fine."

The words had no sooner left his mouth than Makoto began kissing him. These kisses were different than the single exploratory one that had occurred earlier that day. They were ravenous and fiery. He could feel Makoto's hands on his arms burning him, so he escaped. He pushed his arms out breaking Makoto's grip and strode into Makoto forcing him to back up into the wall. He grabbed Makoto's wrists as they flailed over his skin leaving little trails of fire and held them above his head against the wall staring into Makoto's eyes.

Seijuro raked his gaze over him taking in his brown hair falling nearly into his wide deep green eyes. His cheeks were rosy, and his lips swollen. His Adam's apple bobbed above the t-shirt collar as he panted, and Seijuro leaned forward placing a gentle kiss on his neck and breathed in Makoto's scent – sweat and a clean smell.

He leaned back and gazed into Makoto's face searching for some sign that this was wrong – that he was an idiot for even trying something like this.

"I don't do anything halfway," he said. "I will either make you the happiest person in the world, or you need to get out."

Makoto swallowed and nodded. Seijuro relaxed his grip letting Makoto's pinned wrists fall down to his sides. But Seijuro moved his hands to cup Makoto's face, and he leaned in slowly savoring every inch until his lips barely brushed Makoto's own. He was painfully slow as he raked his teeth across his bottom lip, nipped, and finally established a full rich kiss that eventually delved deeper into Makoto's mouth. He was pleased to feel Makoto's arms clumsily wrap around him and squeeze. When the kiss was broken, Seijuro watched Makoto's eyes flutter open with a dazed glassy sheen on them. Makoto licked his now red and swollen lips, and Seijuro felt his dick straighten even more.

"I want you," he breathed his brows drawing down into a frown. "I may be fast paced, but… it takes two."

Makoto began to fidget and look away. His mouth opened and closed a couple times, before his words came to him. "I want you, too. I've never – uh, well, that is –"

"You've never slept with anyone."

Makoto nodded not meeting his gaze.

"I kinda figured as much, since you've been pining after Haru for most of your life." Seijuro ran a hand through his hair and sighed as he tried to put some distance between them for Makoto's sake. "If it helps, I've never been with a man before. I mean, I have the general idea down, but – er – help would be appreciated." His eyes widened, and he started to panic. "Not that anything _has_ to happen! I mean, I'm just fine with cuddles!"

 _God! Could I sound anymore lecherous?_ He was very nearly mortified. He would very much love to run his hands down Makoto and do unspeakable things to him, but consent was everything. Just holding Makoto would be just fine for tonight. Not that he wouldn't stoop to the unspeakable if asked.

Makoto's gaze was fixed directly on Seijuro's crotch. He knew a speedo left very little to the imagination, but his speedo was not completely holding him anymore. This initially made him feel self-conscious, but Makoto licked his lips again, and Seijuro no longer wanted to cover up with his towel.

Makoto's eyes flickered up to Seijuro's face. "I can help with that." And with those words, Seijuro's face became the same shade of red as his hair.


	11. In which a new beginning begins

Attention! THIS IS SMUT IN THIS CHAPTER! Also, this is my first, so I struggled with writing it/even putting it into this story, and if you don't want to read the smut, please skip to the end of the chapter. But this is the conclusion. I hope everyone who read to the end enjoyed the fic. I wanted to show both the dominant and submissive side of this relationship, so I hope it comes through clear. I think Seijuro and Makoto have both grown a little in this relationship, and that is what this drabble has turned into for me: letting go of the past to see the present (Makoto) and finding happiness in unexpected places both broken and whole (Seijuro). I hope it means something to someone else as well. Anyway, enjoy!

* * *

Makoto slid out of his clothes and into the pool. The warm water lapped against his skin, and he closed his eyes.

 _What is wrong with me?_

He _had_ been pining after Haru and not seeking any other relationships. He had avoided all contact with other potential lovers. He became strange, fidgety, and guilty around anyone that he had any inkling of approaching him or – worse - that he _wanted_ to approach. He closed his eyes and breathed deeply through his nose. His heart continued to race, and his dick was still hard and stiff, but did it matter? Makoto had been bold offering his 'help' to Seijuro, but he wasn't sure that he could follow through with that.

 _I want to…right?"_

He had decided on Seijuro, but he could deny his hormones. He could deny this rushing sensation flowing through his body. He could ignore the electricity that radiated from his back where he just _knew_ Seijuro was staring.

He turned and peeked over his shoulder. Seijuro was standing there watching him. His face was red, and his eyes were wide, and he was beautiful. His body was taunt and nervous, and Makoto loved what he saw both physical and emotional. He wanted to hold him, and he wanted to touch his soul.

Seijuro's gold eyes stayed trained on Makoto making him shiver further. Makoto's brow furrowed. _How do I express… this?_ He was helpless, and he looked away biting his lip.

"I – " He took another deep breath and tensed clutching his fists. "I don't really know what I'm doing."

He felt the blood draining out of his face as he admitted his insecurity. Seijuro had had women before. That was something – more than what he had had.

The water sloshed behind him, and his heart began beating furiously but with fear. He didn't want to be rejected or worse – cajoled.

"Makoto."

The firm voice was harsh against the sloshing water raising the hairs on Makoto's arms better than a chilly breeze.

"I don't need anything… physical."

Each word was a breath on his skin. Each word made Makoto a little bit more comfortable and a little bit more grateful. He felt Seijuro's fingertips touch between his shoulder blades. Slightly colder than the water. Untrimmed nails scratching from his pores to his heart carving out a place for their owner.

"Please look at me."

Makoto slowly turned letting Seijuro's fingertips run over his shoulder to his chest and drop slowly downward toward his belly pulling further away with every centimeter leaving his expectant flesh longing. He watched as Seijuro's fingers grazed the water then entered it finally resting on the pool edge where Seijuro was sitting. His gaze then traveled to his dick poking out of his lightning emblazoned black speedo.

"At me."

Makoto's eyes flickered with a bit of embarrassment to Seijuro's face. His golden eyes were harsh in an almost comical contrast to his bright red face.

"Don't be afraid of me."

Makoto looked at Seijuro and imagined. 'What if" was such an open-ended question. Makoto was used to safety nets. He knew Haru would never leave him nor love him, yet he stayed choosing the safety of a one-sided love rather than risking being alone and lived knowing that his heart was always chained. _What if this is it? One night? One week? One year?_

 _One lifetime?_

His eyes flickered between Seijuro's own searching for a doubt finding none. His eyes flickered down to Seijuro's shaft which jerked as if to attention. He smiled and laughed covering his mouth.

"I'm sorry," he said his eyes watching Seijuro's harsh expression melt into a cocky smile, and his muscles relax.

The tension dissolved for a moment as the two smiled and laughed, then Makoto closed the few steps between himself and his senior. He saw Seijuro's eyes flicker down to his own cock, and while his eyes were still fixed, Makoto threaded the fingers of his right hand in Seijuro's red mane and pulled his head melding their lips together tasting the chlorine on his skin. Makoto placed his left hand on Seijuro's knee feeling the wet hairs on his legs flowing against his palm.

The kiss broke. Makoto leaned his forehead against Seijuro's making the taller boy bend his neck further down to Makoto's level. They breathed for awhile, and Makoto slowly let his hand fall away releasing Seijuro who stretched his neck to the ceiling gulping another breath. Makoto tucked his head under Seijuro's chin – his nose against his collarbone.

They breathed.

Makoto kissed Seijuro's neck feeling the goosebumps against his lips savoring the signs that his lover was enjoying himself. He ran his left hand further up his thigh and pressed his thumb into his pelvis eliciting a hissing intake of breath.

"Seijuro, I know where I want to be."

Makoto's breath was hot on his skin contrasting the cold of the water still stuck to him, and he could see the hairs stand up making him smile. He felt Seijuro swallow.

"This isn't a one-man show."

Makoto chuckled at Seijuro's words. "It never has been, love."

His left hand clutched at Seijuro's thigh reveling in the sensation of wet and warm and love. The concrete grated against Makoto's right elbow as he leaned closer kissing and breathing faster and closer to Seijuro's cock. He pushed a hot humid breath at the glistening head and felt a shiver course through his partner making Makoto's own hairs stand on end.

Makoto turned his eyes upward tracing the abs to the pecs to the neck to his Seijuro's lips turning white from the force of his biting.

They breathed.

* * *

Seijuro felt the absence of Makoto like a piece was missing leaving him wanting. He looked down to see the same captivating green eyes that had haunted him staring back at him. "What?"

Makoto simply stared a moment before stating, "You're beautiful."

"Is that right for a guy? Not handsome?"

"You're precious and sometimes – I think – more fragile than anything I've had. Beautiful."

"I'm not the fragile one." Seijuro thought back to the scared man on the porch steps and marveled at how things had developed.

Makoto's smile twisted upward. "Really?" And he rubbed the tip of Seijuro's dick spreading the wet around and around making him tense his body again.

"That's not fair," Seijuro breathed indignantly clinching his eyes shut in a shudder.

Makoto was still smiling when his eyes opened. Seijuro was amazed that somehow this creature that he had thought nothing of had become so important and reached his heart in so short a time. He had to admit that he had always been a bit dominant with a dash of gentle during sex, but he had never had a woman approach him this aggressively. The thought of the kiss – the initiation – made him shiver again eliciting another smile from Makoto. Seijuro's toes curled in anticipation as he saw his lover's head bow and felt the wet swim suit pull off yanking a few hairs with it – something that usually would be painful but was strangely erotic. He leaned back clenching his fists and panting enjoying the warm wet feeling of his tongue licking the shaft, then it happened. Makoto's mouth engulfed him entirely, and he groaned involuntarily eliciting more speed from Makoto.

Then he slowed down - massaging and teasing and infuriating Seijuro to no end, and he loved it. He was shut down. His arms were locked props that wouldn't have moved if he had wished it. His brain was a haze. Nothing. Warm. Flashes passed by him illuminating nothing and everything getting brighter and faster. Makoto began to hum making him vibrate and moan pulling his eyebrows together as if frowning. Makoto sped up faster. Warm. Wet. Hum. Tense. Flash.

Seijuro half-moaned and half-screamed as he felt his climax climb through his body making everything white for a moment. When his haze cleared, he felt Makoto pulling him closer to the edge of the pool and running his finger between his cheeks with a question on his face.

Seijuro leaned forward onto Makoto's shoulder clumsily clutching at him and panting. They stayed like that for a moment. Seijuro felt Makoto's arms wrap around him and his body slowly slip into the water making it slosh.

"Feel good?"

Seijuro laughed a little bit. "Do I feel good?"

He felt Makoto's cheeks pull into a smile, and his hug tightened. A kiss pressed into his hair, and he hugged back. They stayed that way holding one another.

"Ready to go?"

Seijuro started and pushed against Makoto's chest. "Hell no! What about you?"

Makoto laughed and turned a lovely shade of red. "I wanted to make you feel good. I've done my job."

"I haven't done mine." He watched with pleasure as Makoto's cheeks became redder, and his eyes widened. He licked his lips, and Seijuro wanted to bite them and taste them.

"I – I don't have any lube," Makoto tore his eyes away in embarrassment.

Seijuro then understood his partner's hesitation. He was afraid of being hurt. It was the first time after all. He let his hand trail down watching Makoto close his eyes and freeze. His hand slid into the water and glided down to Makoto's own head. Seijuro slid his arm around Makoto's waist twisting and leaning him against the side of the pool.

Seijuro pulled his hand out of the water letting his wet fingers glide up his partner's chest and grabbing 'his wrists pushing them against the side of the pool pinning them as he leaned in to whisper.

"Tell me to keep going if you want it. I'll be happy to _help_ you, too."

* * *

Makoto gulped, and Seijuro savored seeing his Adam's apple bob up and down.

Makoto reveled in how delicious a feeling it was to have _his_ Seijuro offer himself to him. How wonderful it was to feel warm breath tickle his neck. How lovely it was to be restrained. How powerful he felt while being submissive.

He was filled with desire but also with a serene calm. It was almost as if their being together was simultaneously the most erotic thing that he could imagine and the most peaceful.

He felt Seijuro's lips trace their way down his neck to his collarbone.

"Please do," he whispered assenting.

He let himself go. He let Seijuro caress his shoulders and slowly move to his nipples biting them making him gasp and curl in on himself. He knew he moaned. He felt the cold heat that moved through him lifting him up wrapping him in love. His knees were weak, and Seijuro sank with him moving his hand rapidly up and down – sometimes fast, sometimes teasing – until his back arched, and he was allowed to peak.

Seijuro's hands threaded around him and guided him to the corner of the pool. He wrapped him up and held him, and Makoto knew that he never wanted to leave this sweet embrace. He didn't know how fleeting this feeling would be, since it was after sex.

But he hoped it would be forever.

"Makoto, do you still want to live with Haru? I've been thinking that… he may want to be closer to Rin."

Makoto smiled into Seijuro's chest and squeezed him knowing the next words without hearing them.

"I want to be with you," Seijuro whispered the words into Makoto's hair. "We can organize our stuff and decorate and – I don't know – test the waters?"

Makoto felt Seijuro's chin pressing into his head – a little bit painful but assuring. "I would like that."

And in that instant, all of Makoto's dreams of Haru and him moving and beginning a life emptied and were replaced with hope that they would be the same but with someone of his own choosing. Someone much more special.


End file.
